A wonderful weekend in Kukup island, liberate 888 birds, with lovely company (The Neo Cousins & My Mum) and sea breeze before my treatment this coming week, Radiotherapy - 26th June (Mon - Fri) & Chemotherapy - 28th June (Once every week) 

I also releases the Kong Min Teng (Paper lantern) to the sky, as a blessing for my good health with my mum.

A very comprehensive website to know about cancer.

http://www.cancer.net/

Pain is a friend

Pain is my friend. I’ve learned that, as humans, we need to feel pain to grow up. When I was young and had pneumonia, I’d run to the hospital bed when it was time for my injection, knowing that the pain would help me get better ~  Popular 90s Thai singer Navin “Tar” Yaowapolkul, 34

Is side effect really side effect?

Before you receive chemotherapy and radiotherapy treatment, you will bound to receive a lot of advises on how to “conquer” the side effects. It seems like we take in the negative aspects of the treatment too much,  thinking more harm and slowly regretting with my choices than realizing the impact of why this radiotherapy or chemotherapy is needed.

Sometimes you get so sick of listening to the side effects that the treatments can cause than comprehending what you are undergoing through is to cure this illness call cancer. To reduce the tumors, to purge the malignant cells out of the body, to recover from this piece of lump that has hijacked your life for a moment in time.

Thus, instead of focusing on the side effects, I choose to embrace the treatment, I embrace every ray of radiations that’s going to shrink my tumor, I embrace the toxic that is going to insert my body and cleanse the body for full recovery.

Regardless what the side effects are, whether the bad is overtaking the good, you still have a choice, to grumble and reject the treatment while you are doing it or accept it as a treatment that is going to cure you and welcome them with open arms, merge your body and treatment into one and, possibly, maybe, the side effects will be lesser.

Ultimately, isn’t this what life is all about, you embrace the life challenges, Maybe perhaps maybe, mind over matters, when you welcome this side effects in your life, then you’ll discover it is not as tough as you think, or in this case, cancer treatment isn’t as tough as what it seems. When life throws you a curve ball, you need to bounce like a tennis ball, with the determination and effort you put into the recovery, the tennis ball will bounce even higher to a greater height. That's where you see lights at the end of the tunnel.

For all you know, if you look hard enough, there is a word CAN hidden in the word CANCER which means I CAN and we CAN conquer the side effects in our life…

One day when the light is glowing,
I’ll be in my castle golden,
But until the gates are open,
I just wanna feel this moment...
I just wanna feel this moment...
I just wanna feel this moment...

Alternative Complimentary Healing Treatments

My friend, Seow Yuin whom I know and used to work with in Poh Ming Tse Temple and Dharma in action (Agree to disagree & T.H.I.S Buddhist Film Festival) is so kind enough to share with me on the alternative cancer healing treatments.

There are actually a lot of alternative options if you are keen to explore. 

As a Buddhist, I do think that I should start with simple affirmations, and continue doing Buddhist related practices. 

Chanting & Visualisations

If you resonate, visualize Medicine Buddha (blue) or Vajrasattva's (gold) light flowing through your body and cleansing all the cells of cancer or negativity. 

When you chant, also "visualize" your cells vibrating in tune with the mantra. 

Play their musical chants when you sleep, let it re-tune your body.

Affirmations

There is a book titled "Heal your life" by Louise L Hay, where she lists down health issues, and the underlying cause. 

Accordingly, cancer is due to deep hurt, long standing resentment, deep secrets or grief eating away at the self. Carrying hatreds. "What's the use", and nose problems represents self-recognition issues. Nose bleeds means a need for recognition, feeling unrecognised and unnoticed. Crying for love.

I hope you can design a simple poster of the below affirmations, print them out and keep repeating them everyday. (It really helps)

I lovingly forgive and release all of the past. I choose to fill my world with joy. I love and approve of myself.

I recognise my own intuitive abilities. 

I love and approve of myself. I recognise my own true worth. I am wonderful.

Download the sample of this book

Reiki

I think you have heard of reiki? Hands on healing by tapping on the universe's energy.

You can read more at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reiki or http://remotereiki.com/About-Remote-Reiki.html

Seow Yuin is a practitioner, so she is going to work on her "miracle" on me :)

Flower essence

Seow Yuin is taking this periodically, and she said I can take it together with Western medicine and even during your treatment. 

Li Yen (the "therapist") will be in town during 27 - 30 Jun which just in time during my radiotherapy so I think no harm trying as it's not a medicated treatment. 

Learn More!

Essential oil (or aromatherapy) 

Thieves Essential Oil - 15 ml 

Thieves essential oil is a blend of highly antiviral, antiseptic, antibacterial, anti-infectious essential oils. Thieves was created from research of a group of 15th-century thieves, the ’4 thieves’, who rubbed oils on themselves to avoid contracting the deadly plague while they robbed the bodies of the dead and dying. When apprehended, these thieves disclosed the formula of herbs, spices, and oils they used to protect themselves in exchange for more lenient punishment. It is the story of these 4 thieves which brought forth the popular essential oil blend called Thieves.

Studies conducted at Weber State University (Ogden, UT) during 1997 demonstrated its killing power against airborne microorganisms.

• One analysis showed a 90 percent reduction in the number of gram positive Micrococcus luteus organisms after diffusing for 12 minutes. After 20 minutes of diffusing, the kill rate jumped to 99.3 percent.                                             
• Another study against the gram negative Pseudomonas aeruginosa showed a kill rate of 99.96 percent after just 12 minutes of diffusion.

But you can try aromatherapy, using the Thieves formula from Young Living. Inhale or diffuse it, to cleanse the air, and it will also boost up your immune system. You can try in your home/room, especially after your treatment. 

http://www.youngliving.com.sg/ 

Stirwand

Not essential, but this product harmonises the water, and increases it's hydrating effect. And might make it easier for you to consume water.

http://stirwands.com/ 

Releasing

This is basically using releasing statements to let out of issues/problems. 

I would suggest you can use this method to release/let out your fears (if any), emotions, or negative thought patterns about your current situation. Also a good training for mindfulness. 

Just say (it must be verbalized) "I release ...."

I release any fear over my current health situation. etc.

Followed by positive affirmation (important to fill in the gap). I have a healthy and energetic body. etc 

http://thepowerofreleasing.com/

Isis lotus healing

This is more new age, not sure if you are open. Another form of hands on healing. 

http://www.thebluelotus.sg/courses 

A Christian Prayer

I would like to share this prayer written by my friend, whom I know in secondary school days, even though we are not from the same class, but in a few occasions we have met, it always seem like we have so much to talk about, perhaps our connection from past carry on to this lifetime. I'm grateful for her understanding and loving support!

Dear God, 

Thank you for Kyle, a special friend I have known since my younger days. His heart of gold is a gift, his compassion unlike others is abundance. 

I pray that Kyle will be taken care of, cared for, blessed and his harmful ailment and cells will be removed.

I pray that the chemotherapy and medications will take effect in lesser than expected time and effort. Preserve this angel on earth, we need him to spread more love and humanity to the rest of the cold world.

God, please place in his heart security, peace and joy. May these positive vibes remains in him through his life.

God, I pray for a real and love partner for Kyle, may his/her patience and love be a strength to Kyle.

Thank you Jesus. Amen 

Jaz Ong

Care Taker

My friend, Jahangir asked me in FB. Who is going to take care of me? I stumble for a while, not knowing what exactly  needs to be taken care of as a cancer patient. Most people will have very negative connotation on cancer, some will link it directly to the possibility of death. However, throughout this period of time while waiting for the radiotherapy and chemotherapy to begin, I wasn't in pain, I work as normal, I catch up with my friends as normal. 

I think most cancer patients, the pain comes only during and after the treatment (Long term side effect). Mentally disturbed as well. For me, there was no symptoms to begin with and I'm dealing with my condition positively. 

 Most symptoms for Nasopharyngeal cancer are

• A lump or growth anywhere in the neck area that does not go away after 3 weeks (this may be the only sign you have)
• Hearing loss – usually on one side only 
• Tinnitus
• Fluid collection in the ear
• Blocked or stuffy nose – particularly if only blocked on one side
• Blood stained discharge from the nose
• Headache
• Double vision
• Numbness of the lower part of your face
• Difficulty with swallowing
• Changes in voice – such as hoarseness

Instead of faulting and blaming and get depress about it, If I dwell deep and broaden this experience of obstacle, maybe I will learn something from it and become a better version of myself and this illness will not suffer in vain.

I take this as a breakthrough opportunity to further enhance my Dharma knowledge, Improve my Thai language, and maybe an effortless way of losing some weight :)

So who is going to take care of me? My mum will take care on my diet, my friends and my dearest sister have offered to drive or accompany me through the treatment. Hence, at the end of the day, no matter what, I have to take care of myself internally and mentally...

CT Simulation for Radiotherapy

CT simulation is a process used by the radiation therapy team to determine the exact and precise location and size of the area to be treated. For my case mainly on Neck. This will be done by the CT scan.

First, the nurse injected my left hand with a non-coring needle and needle-less cap. That's where the solvent for the scan will come in later. It's good as least the nurses won't have to keep injecting you. It creates an open hole for injection without poking your hand too many times. However, my poor left hand, I have to say, the last few weeks has been very mistreated, from the scans, blood tests and MRI. Also, the nurses whom is injecting varies, some whom are skilful will cause less pain, some let's just say they injected too near to the veins and I have to try very hard to put on a brave front. Blue black swelling is common.

Before the simulation, I met Ho Guan Da, radiographer, also a friend of my friend Melissa, whom is working in SGH, she specially "instructed" If Guan Da come across me as patient, he will take care of me. I feel privileged knowing I have connection everywhere :) He takes me through the process of the CT simulation before I proceed.

During simulation, I was told to lie on a narrow and movable table. The radiographer then defines the position with laser lights. Once it's fixed, they pile something hot, elastic and stretchable on my head to my chest.

It's like having beauty facial expect we are talking on a bigger scale and of course it won’t clean my face and make me look pretty. One of the radiation therapists, Samantha then told me to swallow my saliva every 10 seconds. Guan da then injected contrast material (liquid with dye in it) into my body so my internal organs are easier to see through the CT scan. 

Lastly, I was told I will be "tattooed" on my chest. Great, I'm now marked with cancer except you won't be able to see it clearly, as it's only a dot. At first I was wondering if I could have special design. A swastika will be nice but no luck on that!

After my radiographer locates the area to be treated, he then will outline the treatment field on my head and neck area and work with my radiotherapy oncologist. My radiotherapy oncologist, Dr Ivan Tham told me I will be given the dosage of 70 gy (gray) of radiation which then will be divided into 33 sessions which means 1 session will be around 2.12 gy of radiation during the whole treatment.

Before I leave, I saw the mask, in white; this is going to hold my head during the radiotherapy treatment. It looks like an alien mask, I didn’t realise my head is that big as well, I was told I have a small head on big body during my secondary school days nonetheless it will be my only companion throughout my radiotherapy treatment…