25/6/2013 - The day before treatment

Dear Tumor,

I should have interact with you sooner, as my friends, Cell and Tian Lok asked me to communicate with you,  maybe if we can get a better communication, then you'll most likely let go of you anger and leave my body and evolve into a kinder and nicer cells.

Perhaps I wasn’t also able to come into reality that you existed till the day of the treatment that everything I’ve heard about you is now real. I figure this might be the best time to let you know that the doctor is going to use radiation to shrink your cell, please do not think it as an aggressive treatment, it merely wants you to learn through pain, no pain no awakening. 

Somewhere I have read, whatever you face in your life is either a blessing or a lesson, and I think you're both a lesson and blessing. The lesson I have grasped is Anicca (impermanence in pali), it implies everything that occurs in the world, perceived by us, is inherently subject to changes or decay, as soon as it appears, but I'm ignorant, thinking the body belongs to me, my good health will always intact, I can keep postponing the things I deem most important or dream of. 

Now, I have fully experience Annica, and working very hard to be mindful and live day by day, make the best with what I have.

Blessing, the amount of kindness, loving support and encouragement from my friends have been tremendous, words can't express the gratitude I have for them, I'm indebted by their loving kindness, the only way I can do is to keep on saying Thank you as long as I have breathe and living my life well. 

Although you might feel vulnerable or nervous on the first day of your radiotherapy, this is quite common, walking towards the unknown is always scary, like the first day in school, first day at work, first time meeting the special someone. Once you familiarize with the treatment, you’ll accustom to the routine, maybe you’ll even enjoy the process knowing you’ll become a better cell. For me, when I’m nervous, I shit, this happens to me every time, on my first day of everything, even on my first day of volunteering in Thailand and India. Shiting might be a good way to relax yourself. (How do cancer cells shit? Hmmm…)

So good Luck to your first radiotherapy! Till then, I hope you’ll dissolve and evolve into better cell soon.

Cheers,

Your host