Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Day 44 - The closer to the end of treatment, the harder to fight...

Dear Tumor,

The closer to the end of treatment, the faster your heart wants to complete it and wishes the days will soon fly by. The past few days have been tough, not going to sugarcoat for you, as I know you might be suffering too. Most of the time I take it positively but the side effects especially, my mouth that keeps producing weird mental taste makes me very nauseous. Not to mention, the occasional smells from the neighbor's cooking is bizarre enough to let me run to the window and shut it tight.

Even smelling MacDonald last night that Mary bought for her supper makes me greasy and want to vomit, throat that are extremely dry as Sahara dessert causes pain to swallow at times. Waking up several times in the middle of the night to pee is very disturbing as well. 

Also, the idea of waking up everyday, receiving the same treatment like a military routine is upsetting at times. It feels like groundhog day!

This might sound like me complaining which I'm not, this is just me telling exactly as it is, what I'm facing for others to understand what cancer patient are going through. I can't complain as well, if not for the tender love and care from my mum, friends and my Buddhist practices. I would have suffered even worse.

Even my oncologist yesterday is surprised to see me holding up so strong "physically", saying my condition in tolerating the treatment is very good. Most patients by the 30th radiotherapy sessions will have have mouth ulcer, skin burnt, serious loss of appetite and other unimaginable conditions. 

In my heart, I know I'm the blessed one...


Till then, I hope you’ll dissolve and evolve into better cell soon.

Cheers,
Your Host

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